Famous Crossovers: Batpool
by TheMysteriousGuy
Summary: Batman has it in for Deadpool, probably because he's forcing me to write this against my will. (Rated M for language, suggestive themes, alcohol/drugs, and pure badassery) Note: Please go through the poll on my profile page if you want to put in your input as to who should win the inevitable fight.


The few sounds came at random intervals, not that anyone was there to notice. First, a quick thud, followed by the guard's body hitting the ground in unconciousness, and then an oddly quiet pane of broken glass. Lucky for the Yakuza, this building was only one step on his way to his real target. Checking for any stray eyes, he lept from the window an into the cold, dreary night.

He hit the gravely surface of the next building running, not making a single sound in his landing. From there he made his way from rooftop to gravelly rooftop, rain failing to slow his movements. After moving this way for 20 blocks, he found the right skyscraper. Jumping over the gap once more, he immediately found the hostage he had been promised.

The figure sat in a metal chair, ropes passed about his arms and legs, shivers producing metallic clicks against the slick roof of the offices. Still silent as a shadow, he ran over to the figure and ripped the black hood off, other hand ready to do the same to a gag, or at least a piece of duct tape.

But underneath the hood was a watermelon, which proceeded to break off the ground.

Then the grenades detonated.

In his line of work, the armor he now was now wearing had dealt successfully with worse that some frag grenades, meaning he was still alive enough to stop hinself from falling off the building.

Laughter met his ears before anything else. "PRICELESS! I really didn't think any New York cop would..." Whoever was laughing seemed to understand who he was looking at. "Wait a minute... YOU'RE BATMAN? What the hell? I sent the letter straight to the... Eait a sec, where are my manners? I'm-"

A bat shaped blade sunk into the chatterbox's forehead, and for a few precious moments, Batman had the satisfaction of a job well done. He lifted himself fully off the ground and turned to leap off the building when something landed at his feet.

It was a bright orange nerf dart.

"Shit, I thought that was the glock!" came the same voice he thought had extinguished. "Sorry, Domino must've left that at my place last night when we-"

"Where is he?" Batman growled, cutting the rambling short.

"You really should ask nicely. What if-"

Batman lunged and grabbed his foe by the neck"NOW."

"I alreay offed him, if it's THAT important to you. Just another Jackass that happens to be worth millions. And you know what we do with millions?"

"Why send a ransom demand then?"

"The correct answer was 'buy guns and score some chicks, but-"

"I said-"

"Man, whoever is writing this script needs to calm with the hyphons and cuttoffs already. It does get kinda annoying, pal!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Also, you should hurry it up and end this prologue already. Maybe I could just teleport away or something?"

Batman's fist saw some action as it met the shady figure's face. "Why?! Tell me now!" the caped crusader repeated, nerves drawing thin.

"I was supposed to lure the cops off of my contractor, although his capture will probably be on channel 4 news tomorrow, if you consider where we are now."

Without another word Batman shoved a sedative-filled needle into the man's jugular, quickly releasing it into his bloodstream. Then he stepped back as the man swung wildly about.

"That really tickles."

Batman still waited.

"Well, now that that's over..."

A large caliber round threw Batman backwards and he fell on his back again. As he pulled the bullet out of his chest, more laughter erupted as his former captuve doubled over. "It hurts, make it stop! You bought it again! I can't even believe this!" He stepped onto the edge of the roof and pointed at a stunned Batman. "By the way, I have an name, asshat."

With that, Deadpool vanished in a blue-white puff of smoke.

* * *

"That took forever! When is the part where we beat Batman's-"

"Patience. Our story of Bad/Smart-assery will eventually be complete."

"Fine. Let's go get tacos."

"Works for me!"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Shit, nobody hit the save button!"


End file.
